Well the time has come for me to head back home for a few weeks. My Dad has been battling cancer for a couple years now. He has beaten it once, but now it has come back to get even. Well it has taken its toll on him and he is getting down to the last few weeks. I am unsure how I am going to handle all of this, I am a little scared about it all. It’s terrifying to say the least. He is a strong willed man that comes from a strong family with big hearts and unending kindness. We have all been praying for him and I am sure the prayers have been heard and will be answered in Gods accord. He will do what needs to be done. I just don't want my Dad to suffer anymore. He has been through enough in his life, granted he brought most of it upon himself, but not this. Life just seemed it necessary to bring this last battle to him. He has worked his fingers to the bone all of his life and done amazing things with is hands. He has been a carpenter all of his life, and I wish I could show you some of the things he has built with is own hands. I don't know what else to say about him other than I love him and I am going to miss him very much when all is said and done. I just hope I have made him proud.
I am going to be heading back home for a few weeks to deal with everything that is about to happen and hoping that there will be a few good times I can spend with him before he is gone. I have never been a sentimental person at all, but this hits deep, it’s my Dad. Any advice is welcome to how to deal with this.Ii am clueless. Best wishes to you all and I hope to hear from you soon.
2 comments:
Raymond, I just read this to your dad. He told me to type this to you from him:
Son,
I have always been a man of work which took away my display of emotion. There were so many times when I saw myself in you, it scared me knowing that you may turn out like me: Someone without the knowledge of expressing love to others. And you saw this as a lack of love for you. I wanted you to turn out better than me. Someone with feelings and emotions and be able to show them. Now I look back over the years- I can see were I didn't give you the love you needed when you needed it the most. Now that the years and ages have passed I can look back and see the many times you deserved a hug around the neck and to hear "I'm proud of you Son". I was not there to show, I was proud of you and that I do love you.You always tried to copy me, but not having the years of experience, you could not. But rather than congratulating you for trying, I be rated you for failing. I have always loved you and TJ equally but never knew how to show it equally. Not realizing that you were not me, but a different man, with different feelings. This I could not understand and it scared me. The Lord saw fit to send me His blessing of two great sons to be forever proud of both. You have now gone off on your own to prove yourself a man, and this I know that Raymond Jordan will never have a problem of proving himself a man. Now that I know you better, I know you have turned out to be a better man than I.
Please forgive me for my mistakes, for I do love you very much, and I'm very proud to call you my son, and I am proud of you.
Love,
Dad
P.S. Keep up the good work in school, I know you have it in you.
Raymond,
We love you and are praying much for you and your dad. The kids remember "Rainman and his daddy" when we pray with them before bed. The only advice I can give you is to look to the Lord. HIS comfort and strength is immeasurable. We can't do much from here, except pray; but God wants to be everything to you, Raymond.
With love and prayers,
Cynthia and the other (big & little) Dickens in Brazil
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