HHHHHMMMMM

Well I have begin to wonder about some things in life. Mainly about friends. I have come to the realization that I have much fewer friends than I thought. The ones I thought were friends have recently shown just how much of a friend that they aren't. I have been going through a few rough patches in life recently and the ones who have told me 1000 times that I can count on them were no where to be found. The ones who claim that they will be there til the end, weren't there when the proverbial crap hit the fan. I have tried to blame on the winter depression up here, well I found out that nope wasn't that, it was that since I have become the one not willing to foot the bill for the drinking nights, and be at the beck and call to be the driver for the drunks that i was no longer important. So this just goes to show you that you can't depend on who you think. Take very special care of the friends that you have and the ones you know you can count on, and be wary of the ones who are there when your pockets are full and are gone when they are empty. This is one of those times I wish i was back home where I know who my friends are no matter whats in my pocket. But you never know the tax returns will be coming in soon and it might be time to go somewhere else and try something different for awhile. As much as I love it here I hate it just as much.

I have recently gotten in touch with an ex-girlfriend of mine who has done amazingly well for herself. I am very proud of her and very envious of her at the same time. She went from the girl who took me to my first rave party, and the girl who you could find any sort drug that you could imagine, to a successful military Staff Sergeant and mother of 2 beautiful boys. Her next duty station is either Germany or Japan, and the decision is left up to her. She also has a thriving restaurant that is paid off and doing great. This just shows me that you can come from the bottom and end up on top in the end. She is the same age I am and doing most of the things I have always wanted to do. This shows me that all it takes is to make the right decisions to move ahead. So now I have to figure why i all this time I have done nothing but make the wrong decisions. I have been given opportunities one after another an yet I still end up wondering in the end why am I like this. I swear its like I am purposely setting myself up for failure and I am not entirely sure as to why. I have learned a whole lot from my mistakes and also the accomplishments of people just like my ex. I just don't get why i continue to make the wrong choices over and over. As it stands right now as much as I want to leave Alaska and go somewhere else, I can't because there is a little boy who has captured my heart and my love and I cannot leave him. He is not my son, but there are times when you would think he is. The only time when I feel like I have done something right with my life is when he is sitting with me playing with his etch-a-sketch or putting the blocks in the wrong holes, well trying to anyway. When I come in the door his face lights up and my heart and knees go weak. He is one of the most captivating kids I have ever met. So I guess as it stands at this point he is the reason that i stay here and keep trying to make the right steps forward.

I haven't been to church since I moved up here until this past weekend. It was a great feeling when I walked out of that building after having my time to talk with God. He was for sure when i needed him the most. The night before I went to church, I had a few bad experiences and a really close call that could have very easily ended my life. Something kept me around through all that and kept me safe. The only answer I can come up with is that it was God himself that pulled me through. There is no reason for anyone to have went through what I did and still be alive to tell the story. I am not going to tell the story because its a situation that i am not proud of. But He knows what happened and He knew that I needed the help to get through and He was there to lend the hand. Thank you for all your payers and all your concerns of the past 1.7 years. They have been heard and greatly appreciated.

And for those of you who don't know who the little man is, his name is Joshua Blake Creek. And here is the latest picture I have of him. He has the become the world that I am working and living for.

The Elf’s Special Calzone

     As some of you know my restaurant was featured on Diners, Dives, and Drive Ins this month.  Well I wanted to show you one of our biggest sellers on the menu. This is a step by step process to creating your own Elf’s Special Calzone.You have to start with 8 ounces of fresh dough. Then you go from there and get all good and floured up.

Roll it out till its about 14 or so inches across in the best circle shape you can manage.

Add your sauce and throw a good handful of cheese on top of it and spread it out to be about 6 inches across, yet again in a circle shape.

Start with you mound of pepperoni and make sure to cover all your cheese and sauce with the pepperoni.

Than throw on the onions, sliced and diced up nice and fine.

 

Now its time for the fungus, (mushrooms) to be thrown on. Slice them up nice and fine so they are about a quarter inch thick or so.

 

Now its time for the diced tomatoes. You have to make sure that they are not all juicy and what not. Of they are then all the juice runs out and make the crust soggy, and well that is no good.

 

And here are the green peppers and yet again sliced and diced and free from juice as well.

Now the Italian Sausage all nice and chunked up.

 

And now it’s time for another handful of cheese to be thrown on top to hold everything in place once the the cooking starts.

 

Now you have to make sure to stretch out the top half of the dough so you have enough to pull it over and roll up.

 

Now that’s what it should like at this point.

Roll all your edges up tight to the heart of the calzone and cut a few slits in the dough to it doesn’t blow up.

These two shots are what it should look like right before you throw it into the oven.

Now you need to have a convection oven for it to cook quik, and the temp needs to be 450 or better. At 350 the cook time is about 8 to 10 minutes. In and regular home oven 450 and about 14 to 16 minutes works just fine.

 

Here they are as they come out of the oven.

 

This is the to go version. Brush on some butter, and sprinkle parmesan cheese and dust on some basil and chives and there you go.

 

This is the dine in version, comes with a side or marinara and there you go. I perfect dinner for 2.

 

Hope you all make an attempt at making one of these for you to enjoy and if you have any questions feel free to ask and I will answer as best as I can.

Update for the Hot New TV star

Ok so the time if the show is 7pm my time, it comes on 10pm est on the food network and I hope that you all get to watch it and see the new place I am working. I am not in the show but thats ok my kitchen in there and if it shows the pizza line, thats now my spot 4 nights a week

Diners and Drive Ins

Well thanks to the want of a hot new tv star, the local restaurant I am working at is going to be featured in the tv show Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives. Its going to be on Monday night at 7 pm, and I hope you all are able to watch.

So The Winter Is Back

Some of you may pay attention to the weather here in Alaska, but I doubt it. For those of you that don’t, just to fill you in, the current temp is 5 above. Last night the coldest temp I saw was 15 below. The snow has been on the ground for about 3 weeks now with a good 4 inches. The trees, minus the evergreens, are bare and lifeless. The birds are gone, with exception to the Alaska Famous Dumpster Chicken (Raven). The like in NC with sea gulls you are not allowed to shoot them. The Natives have a spiritual tie to the Raven, they believe that they carry the soul onto a better place when a native dies. These birds are huge, they dig in your trash, the defecate all over your car, and you have no idea what its like to try and clean off frozen bird crap. Not as much fun.

You can see the tracks of a few snow machines out and about but there is still not quite enough snow to ride just yet. We are all starting to plug in the trucks at night. Nothing is as much fun as getting up and running outside when its 10 or so below and your in your pjs, and then you realize you forgot to plug in the truck and it’s frozen, yes I said frozen. That really sucks. Then when its 60 below and it is plugged and it’s still frozen, imagine how frustrated you can get then. That is cold enough for coffee to turn into vapor when you toss it into the air. I will have to make a point of recording that for you some time so you can all see that. It’s kind of cool.

Still warm enough to wear only blue jeans and a sweatshirt. We havent got to the bibs and carhart stage of winter yet. We still have another month or so before that hits.

Have a wonderful day and I will talk with you again soon.

Life is as normal as it can be for now

Well its time to get back to life at hand. I have been trying for a long time to figure out a way to get back to normal after losing Anna. Well there is no way to get things back to normal. Normal is gone for now. I have tried many different ways to hide, drown, cover, and make go away the thoughts of her and move on with out her in my life. Well I have come to the conclusion that life will never been the same again. I have someone that meant the world to me. She was my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. She carried me through the days with a smile on my face and  a warm heart. Well my heart has been hurting since the morning of May 31st. There is no simple way to get over something like this. There is no easy way to make the pain go away.  There is no way to imagine life without her here. Sometimes through the day I think of her. All night long I lay awake in bed wishing she was still here. Well I know that she will no longer be here with me or be able to share in the smiles and laughs that I have. She was the reason for my smile for a long time. And now she is the reason I cry at night. But I have also learned the she is the reason that I keep getting up in the morning and keep trying to better myself and make things right.  I try to get through the days without thinking what could have or should have been. There were plans made and dreams put into play. There were hopes for the two of us. There were many talks of many plans made between us and trips planned and all the stuff that goes along with it. We had made plans on getting a house together and starting a life with just us. But now things have changed. But now the only difference is, I have to keep on with all those plans and dreams without her. I am just not sure if i can, or if I want to. We did all this together, and planned on doing all this together. I don’t think i want to do any of them without her.

The Loss Of My Love

     Sometime Sunday afternoon, May 31 20009, my best friend and companion was found dead in her bed. Anna Marie Merchant was one of the amazing people i have ever met. Her smile warmed the hearts of many. Her friendship was cherished by hundreds. She was smart, beautiful, kind hearted, warm, sensitive, and compassionate. She was the glue that held so many people together. She kept the balance for so many people. She was one of those people that voluntarily carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, and never once complained about it. She, no matter the mood or temperament, always could put on a smile and a laugh for everyone. She cared about everyone. There was no one she wouldn’t try her best to help.

     She left behind her mother, Gina Raye Wilson, her sister Andrea Merchant, and her perfect son, Joshua Blake Creek. Blake lost his father in Nov of 2007 to a tragic car accident. Now he has lost his mother as well.  Blakes’ grandparents, Paul and Anita Creek, have now lost their son and the their daughter in law. I cant even imagine how her family must feel, but I know how I feel.

     She was my best friend from the day I met her. We were never apart. We shared everything between us. All the good and the bad and the really ugly. She always had the words I needed to hear to make the day go by. She always had a smile for me when i walked in the door. She used to sit on the couch with me and just cry sometimes because she was worried about me.  There were so many time we would just hop in the truck with me and her and Blake and just ride. I have seen so much of this state thanks to her. I can even begin to tell you how much I love her and how much I am going to miss her. She was the light in my day.  She was one of my Real True Friends. Anna is the only person in my life that has ever taken my hear from me. I didn’t have a choice in, she took it from he and held it close to hers. She will always be with me in my heart and my thought.